“Letter to the guy that got away”

Dear Guy that got away,

I sometimes still think about how our lives may have been if we had ended up together. I know it’s wrong and nothing will come of it, but I find mysel doing it.

I see that you have a young family now, you have such beautiful children, and a very beautiful wife and all in all you look very happy. Although I don’t regret that we never did end up together, eight (8) years on I think or am reminded of you and I wonder how we could’ve been had we been together.

You may have eventually forgotten about me!! I write this letter not to have you remember me or realise that I still think of you. I write this letter because I wish to LET YOU GO and carry on with my life. I wish to release myself from all unneccessary baggage from my past.

I want and need to begin 2013 on a NEW beginning. I must live for new accomplishments, have new dreams, new thoughts,, new goals and objectives.

I am looking for rebirth in my love life. It is unfair for my (yet to be met) boyfriend/beloved, children and friends to compete for my attention and life if I hold on to you.

I am letting you go now my lost opportunity and I now look forwad to my new ones.

Sincerely,

~mara~
“the one letting you go!!”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” That’s the question I asked alot of my
friends as I was getting to know them better. I have no idea how that
was supposed to help me, but I asked it.

I haven’t been in a serious relationship in my life, come to think of
it I have never been in a relationship with any man, in any way apart
from my Father, Brother and the other men in my family. Growing up I
had to struggle with alot of issues like my weight (I was obese most
of my life), even now at 20 + years of age I am still bigger that most
people my age, I am however more comfortable in my own skin compared
to before. I also had to struggle alot with self-esteem and self
worth, even depression and most of the time self doubt. Slowly, slowly
I began to go through some gradual inner healing and self realisation
and now I am at a place in my life where feeling comfortable with
myself and my body is a norm.

I just began working at a marketing company and for the first time I
have come across a company that practices what it preaches. I mean I
would go for job interviews and ace it but find out later that I was
not successful as they had employed someone less meaty then me. So for
a long time getting a job was only with relatives and people I knew
from church who were familiar with my work ethics and character as an
individual. Anyway, so I started there on the 27th of November, 2012
and upon entering the office, I was so overwhelmed with this sudden
rush of realisation. At first it was overwhelming, then gradually I
began to bin control of my emotions. I realised that I was able to
succeed in anything, I was also FINALLY comfortable with my
relationship status of being single and being a virgin!!!!!

People are constantly being taunted about being single and never being
laid (still a virgin), they are said to be undesireable. I for one was
afraid that that was the case with me and why not too many men would
ask me out. Don’t worry I was being asked out every now and again but
by men that I just meet on the streets. One time I was sitting on the
seawall just enjoying the sea breeze when this guy drives passed and
honks his car horn, I thought that he had attended the same high
school as me so I smiled. He turns his car around and drives by again
signalling for me to get into the car……. OH MY GOSH I realised
almost too late that he was asking me to get in the car with him and
go somewhere (*wink *wink), and it hit me that he wasn’t a former
school mate, we didn’t attend the same high school. This man was
trying to hit on me, and possibly get laid in the process, I just
shook my head and looked away, luckily for me there were other people
sitting around me so her couldn’t do anything forceful to me. Another
time, I was sitting in the car putting on some lip gloss and checking
my reflection in the rearview mirror waiting for my mom to get back
from the shop, when this guy comes to the passenger window and looks
in. He begins to try and sell me these perfumes (goodness knows where
he got then from).When I told him that I wasn’t interested in buying
from him, he begins to tell me that he finds me very pretty and would
like to take me out to lunch someday, and goes on to ask me for my
digits, like what the hell? I just told him that that was a very novel
gesture and that I didn’t have a mobile fone (while praying silently
that my fone wouldn’t decide to ring at that momen). Luckily for me
Mom was heading towards the car at that moment, so guy decides to say
goodbye and walks off, during moments like that I feel so lonely and
wish that I had a boyfriend to protect me, I also wish that guys would
be as forward like these guys were and just ask me out.

I guess what I am trying to say was after starting at my new work
place and having more than 2/3 of the office population married,
dating or doing each other, I through some miracle became so
comfortable. I became comfortable in my own skin, my relationship
status of single, in my virginity, and after a long time of struggling
with so many issues of self loathing and doubt, I learnt to love
myself.

I have also grown to realise that I need to work on falling in love
with myself everyday and feel comfortable in my own body and self, in
order to be worthy and able to be fully loved by a significant other.

~LOVE LIFE and LOVE FIERCELY~

~mara~